Teen Dating Violence

The experience of domestic violence is very similar for both teen and adult victims. However, the fact that they are a teenager can raise unique issues, making them struggle even more with recognizing and escaping abusive relationships.

Adolescents are particularly susceptible to becoming trapped in the cycle of violence. They are at a very volatile and vulnerable developmental stage, experiencing many physiological, emotional and intellectual changes and struggling with issues of identity formation and self-esteem. No longer children but not yet adults, teenagers are beginning to form their first intimate relationships, yet often do not have the experience, confidence or information to know what is healthy or unhealthy in a relationship.

Although violence is widespread in the teen population, and young people are often particularly at risk for abuse in dating relationships, there are limited services specifically intended for adolescents. The vast majority of resources are either child abuse services geared toward young children or domestic violence services focused on adult victims.

In addition to this lack of services, teens face other obstacles to seeking help. They often do not have access to shelter, money or transportation. They must overcome issues such as distrust of adults, lack of knowledge about available resources, or pressure from peers and parents.

Confusion about the law adds another layer of difficulty for young people in need. Often teens will not reach out for help because they do not know their rights. They also have fears about lack of confidentiality, mandated child abuse reporting and parental consent laws.

Left untreated, the epidemic of domestic violence among youth will carry into their adult lives. Young people who cannot access help now for issues of domestic violence will find it difficult or impossible, as adults, to change a pattern of abuse that has been occurring for years or decades.

Dating violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors that one partner uses to get power over the other, and it includes:

• Any kind of physical violence or threat of physical violence to get control

• Emotional or mental abuse, such as playing mind games, making you feel crazy, or constantly putting you down or criticizing you

• Sexual abuse, including making you do anything you don’t want to, refusing to have safe sex or making you feel badly about yourself sexually

Dating violence is more than just arguing or fighting.

Teens who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends do the same things that adults who abuse their partners do. Teen dating violence is just as serious as adult domestic violence.

Teens are seriously at risk for dating violence. Research shows that physical or sexual abuse is a part of 1 in 3 high school relationships.

In 95% of abusive relationships, men abuse women. However, young women can be violent, and young men can also be victims. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans-gendered teens are just as at risk for abuse in their relationships as anyone else.

Abusive relationships have good times and bad times. Part of what makes dating violence so confusing and painful is that there is love mixed with the abuse. This can make it hard to tell if you are really being abused.

 Unfortunately, without help, the violence will only get worse.