Love Should Never Hurt: Reclaiming the Meaning of Love This Valentine’s Day

Every February, store shelves fill with heart-shaped boxes, roses, and reminders to celebrate love. Valentine’s Day paints a picture of romance that is exciting, all-consuming, and deeply emotional.

For many teens, these messages help shape their earliest understanding of what love is supposed to look like.

At the same time, February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, a reminder that not all relationships are healthy, and not all expressions of “love” are safe.

This contrast matters.

Because one of the most dangerous myths young people absorb is the idea that love must be intense to be real.

That jealousy means someone cares. That constant texting means someone is devoted. That sacrificing your own comfort proves your commitment. That hurt is simply part of love.

But love should never require someone to shrink themselves to keep it.

When Control Gets Mistaken for Care

Teen dating violence rarely begins with physical harm. It often starts with behaviors that can be misinterpreted as affection.

A partner who wants to know where you are at all times. A partner who becomes upset when you spend time with others. A partner who pressures you to move faster than you’re ready. A partner who makes you feel responsible for their emotions.

Over time, these behaviors can erode confidence, independence, and a sense of safety.

For teens who are still learning who they are, this can be especially damaging. What begins as excitement can slowly become anxiety. What begins as connection can become control.

What Love Actually Looks Like

Healthy love does not create fear.

It does not punish boundaries. It does not isolate. It does not manipulate.

Healthy love creates room to breathe. It allows each person to remain fully themselves. It builds confidence rather than taking it away.

Healthy love sounds like:

• “I respect your boundaries.”

• “Take your time.”

• “I trust you.”

• “You don’t owe me anything.”

  
  

These messages may not always be the ones teens see in movies or on social media, but they are the foundation of relationships that are safe and sustainable.

Changing the Story

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is not about creating fear around relationships. It is about giving young people the tools to recognize their worth and understand that love and harm cannot coexist.

It is about helping teens learn that they deserve relationships built on respect, choice, and safety.

It is also about reminding adults that our conversations, modeling, and support matter more than we realize.

This Valentine’s Day, we invite our community to expand the definition of love. Love is not possession. Love is not pressure. Love is not control.

Love is respect.

Support Is Always Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence, support is available. The Violence Prevention Center of Southwestern Illinois provides confidential services, advocacy, and education for survivors of all ages.

Our 24/7 crisis line is available at 618-235-0892.

Everyone deserves a love that feels safe. Especially our teens.