Recognizing and Responding to Signs of Abuse in Teen Relationships

When we think about abuse in relationships, we often picture adults. But unhealthy and abusive patterns can begin much earlier. In fact, many teens experience controlling or harmful behaviors in dating relationships. Learning how to recognize the signs—and how to respond with compassion—can make all the difference. 

Recognizing the Signs 

Abuse in teen relationships doesn’t always look like physical harm. It often shows up in emotional, verbal, or digital ways. Here are some red flags to watch for: 

• Isolation: A partner pressures someone to stop hanging out with friends, avoids group activities, or limits family time. 

• Control: One person decides what the other should wear, who they should talk to, or where they can go. 

• Jealousy and Possessiveness: Constant accusations of cheating or “proving love” by sharing passwords or locations. 

• Put-Downs: Insults, name-calling, or humiliating comments online or in person. 

• Fear or Anxiety: The teen seems nervous, withdrawn, or worried about upsetting their partner. 

• Monitoring Technology: Excessive texts demanding immediate replies, pressure to share passwords, or apps used to track locations. 

Teens may not always label these behaviors as abuse, especially if they think this is “normal” in relationships. That’s why support from friends, parents, and trusted adults is so important. 

How Friends Can Respond 

Teens are often more likely to confide in a friend before turning to an adult. If you’re worried about a friend’s relationship: 

• Be there to listen. Sometimes just being heard without judgment is the most important first step. 

• Take them seriously. Even if you don’t think it sounds “that bad,” it might feel overwhelming or scary to them. 

• Encourage them. Gently suggest talking to a parent, teacher, counselor, or advocate who can help. 

• Respect their pace. Leaving an unhealthy relationship can take time. Stay supportive no matter what. 

How Parents and Adults Can Respond 

Teens need adults who believe them and respond with calm, steady support. If you’re a parent, teacher, or mentor: 

• Start the conversation. Ask open-ended questions about how their relationship makes them feel. 

• Stay calm. Reacting with anger or ultimatums can shut down trust. 

• Affirm their worth. Remind them they deserve respect and safety in all relationships. 

• Offer resources. Share hotlines, advocacy groups, or counseling services that can help. 

Why Community Awareness Matters 

Teen dating violence is often overlooked, but awareness saves lives. Schools, youth groups, and community members can: 

• Educate teens about healthy vs. unhealthy relationship behaviors 

• Provide safe spaces to talk and ask questions 

• Connect students to local and national resources 

• Model respect, equality, and kindness in their own relationships 

Taking the Next Step 

No teen should ever feel trapped in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. By recognizing the signs and responding with care, we can create a culture where young people feel safe to ask for help. 

If you or a friend may be experiencing abuse, reach out to: 

• Violence Prevention Center: 618-235-0892 for confidential help in our community

• Love Is Respect (for teens and young adults): 1-866-331-9474 or loveisrespect.org 

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org 

Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and equality—and every teen deserves that foundation.